Reinheitsgebot Party -- We put the beer back into the beer hall putsch!

1. The US federal tax code should be no more complicated than a Pilsener recipe.
2. It should be illegal to brew a beer using fruit as an ingredient. Fruit resources shall be allocated to mead brewers only.
3. In the same vein as #2, braggots will be illegal. Malted Barley grain and hops must be set aside for beer production and only beer production.
4. If you're drinking Leinenkugels' then the terrorists have already won.
5. Abortions shall remain legal. Having an abortion has no detrimental affect on beer production or beer consumption. In fact, having an abortion will allow the woman to resume drinking beer soon.
6. All government ethanol farm subsidies shall cease immediately and those funds shall be allocated to subsidize hop farmers. There will never be a hop shortage again.
7. The middle east will no longer be considered strategically important. From a brewers perspective it is a barren region and alcoholic beverages are illegal in many places. Therefore: "What the fuck are we doing there!" Let the Arabs and Jews fight it out amongst themselves. We don't care.
8. Instead Bavaria (Upper Franconia in particular) will be considered territory of utmost strategic importance. The military base in Bamberg will be heavily reinforced and an anti-missile defense system will be installed to envelope all of the Upper Franconia region and in the future all of Bavaria in an impregnable defensive ring.
9. The federal government will mandate that all zoning laws be changed nationwide to allow the construction of neighborhood pubs. If we really want to solve the drinking and driving problem then let's make it so that most people can walk to a pub.
10. The embargo and other trade sanctions against Cuba will be lifted. In fact we're going to annex Cuba by force and make it the 51st state. My kinswoman "The Dark Duchess of Hamburg" will be put in charge. She will thenceforth be "The Dark Duchesse of Hamburg and Guantanamo Bay".
11. Rick Oberg will be the Minister of Agriculture for the new state of Cuba.
12. All lagers must be brewed using some form of decoction mashing. If a decoction mash has not been done then it will be illegal to market it as any form of lager. This means that Anheuser Busch will have to remove all reference to Pilsener or lager from all it's bottles, cans, and other packaging.
13. It will be illegal to market Kolsch or Altbiers as "ale". Ales are specifically a British style of beer and have nothing to do with Germany. The fact that they use a top fermenting yeast strain simply means that they are a "German style top fermenting lager" and NOT an "ale". Anyone violating this particular decree will be sent to Guantanamo Bay for political reeducation at the hands of the Dark Duchess.